"yo, what is there to do? you go do something that only you have the knowledge to do and lemme do something I could do on my own, like you go clean your room or something, what else is there to do" She said the kitchen needed cleaning. "bet, imma do that then" I could tell she was impressed.
I’ve been trying and slowly becoming the authoritative male I know I am. I don’t wanna be a bully, dick, loud-mouth or aggro-monkey, but I look in the mirror and don’t see a push-over. Even in my thoughts are the thoughts of a pretty harsh/serious/not-to-be-fucked-with dude but my words come out different. pussified.
Anyway, I could tell she’s impressed, hehe. I’m not trying to impress her, shit needs to get done, but I know she’s into seeing me get all laser like. lol. Anyway I’m flying around like a monkey, I forgot who was in the house with us. Jonathan I think. I’m singing roadrunner, super loud. at first i’m kinda timid, like who is this nigga singing downstairs? but then i’m bellowing the lyrics, cause fuck it. Every time she comes into the room or I think she’s coming, all my nerves go to my dick heart & mind. and maybe a few in my throat. I just wanna marry fuck baby kiss her right then n’ there.
We kiss every now and then, I don’t know how we let go of each other sometimes. It’s a good day, Sun is shining, everybody likes the sunshine, and her fucking house let’s in sunshine like a dive bar with no scruples. It’s everywhere. Her hair.
Eventually I’m screwing some shit in with a powerdrill. She’s impressed. lol, she’s taking pictures of me drilling this single screw. She’s impressed, I’m playing cool, but I’m thrilled at doing this single task (outlier thought, handiwork is awesome). I look forward, thinking to myself, to learning how to do some real shit, plumbing and wiring and electricity. It’s fun working with your hands. The same scene repeats itself when I’m upstair unclogging her drain. She’s SUPER impressed. lol, fuck it. I’m bout that life. The drain unclogging might have come before the cabinet drilling but who cares. Still happened.
I’m in the kitchen at some point in the process, cleaning, listening to tunes on my cell phone speaker. Everything’s on random. I think some Styles P came on followed by some fuckin’, ionno, everyly brothers. I laughed at that. reminds me of my college days when I confused the shit out of my roommate with my music playlists. Schizoid, tastefully. Amyway, This jam comes on, it’s punk, hardcore, well maybe not hardcore but respectfully thrashy. Nigga’s like “Life…LIFE…LIFE IS THE ONLY THING WORTH LIVING FOORRR!” i’M like whoa, this is pretty inspiring for a punk song. I’m so used to, experience wise and stigmatically to think of punk-hardcore songs as a mellow-harshed anti-this anti-that. But nah this one was uplifting. SUPER. ayiway. She walks in. I wanna fuck. She’s doodling around, I’m looking at her a little, the song in the background of all these Alizabeth thoughts for a few seconds.
She pipes up, “Who is this?”. L”Life…LIFE…LIFE IS THE ONLY THING WORTH LIVING FOORRR!” just playing in the background. In my head I’m kinda shocked, like why the fuck is she asking me this, you’re not supposed to be into this kinda shit. Wha? But that’s like 1/10 of a second worth a feeling and I say “I dunno, it’s on random, shit’s tight though” or something akin. She lightly hmmfs to herself and leaves. Cool man, She LIKES this shit? She’s into Beyonce I’m into Pavement. I tell myself I gotta figure out what song that was that she was into. That was a few weeks ago. i haven’t seen her in days. It’s all the same. Minutes, seconds they’re all “I haven’t seen hers.” The song pops into my head again, not sure it really left. I fucking tell myself I’m gonna find it. It had a unpolished sound to it. Not damaged, too angry, not husker, too nascent. I reach the bottom of my playlist. Fuck. Cycle through again…Got it. Check the lyrics to make sure, sure nuff is. Song’s positive as fuck, I’m bout it, thought i’d just send it to her but then…ouroboros.
Wonder if she’s still impressed with this joint. Hope’s well alive.